the beauty of nature
i love the nature, it's so beautiful. the sun rise in the morning, it's like a big ball of fire in the sky, and the colors, oh, they're so pretty, like a painter's palette. when i walk in the park, the trees, they're like giant friends, standing tall and strong, their leaves rustling in the wind. sometimes, i see birds, they sing songs i can't understand but they sound happy, like they're telling secrets to each other.
once, i saw a rainbow after the rain. it was like a bridge between the earth and heaven, full of colors, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, all in one. i wondered if there was a pot of gold at the end of it. but then, i remembered, rainbows don't stay long, they fade away, just like life, it's short and we should cherish every moment.
in winter, everything turns white. snowflakes, they're like tiny dancers, falling softly from the sky. they cover the ground, turning it into a fluffy blanket. it's quiet, peaceful, like the world is sleeping. i love to make snowmen, but they melt too fast, it makes me sad.
nature teaches us many things. it shows us beauty, but also the cycle of life, how everything has its time. we should learn from it, live in harmony with nature, protect our environment, because without it, we wouldn't be here.
老師評語：
本文中，作者以直觀的感受描繪了對大自然的熱愛，語言雖然略顯單薄，但充滿童真和想象力。然而，存在一些語法問題，如'it's so beautiful'應(yīng)改為'it is so beautiful'，'the colors, oh, they're so pretty'可簡化為'the colors are stunning'。同時，段落間的過渡稍顯突兀，需增強(qiáng)連貫性。
內(nèi)容亮點：
文章的亮點在于作者生動的比喻和直接的情感表達(dá)，如將太陽比作火球，把樹描繪成巨人，彩虹視為天與地的橋梁，這些都展示了豐富的想象力。然而，對冬天的描述稍顯平淡，缺乏類似的生動描繪。
優(yōu)化參考：
對于冬天的描述可以進(jìn)一步細(xì)化，比如：“in winter, snowflakes pirouette gently, painting the world in a serene white. the frozen lakes mirror the sky, creating an illusion of infinity. the silence is broken only by the crunch of snow underfoot, a symphony of the season. yet, it's bittersweet, for the beauty is ephemeral, reminding us of the fleeting nature of life.”
批改后作文
標(biāo)題：embracing nature's wonders
i adore nature, its splendor never ceases to amaze. each dawn, the sun ascends like a radiant orb, casting hues that rival a master's brushstroke across the heavens. strolling through the park, trees stand as silent sentinels, their leaves whispering secrets in the breeze. occasionally, birds serenade me with melodies i cannot decipher, yet their joyous tunes resonate deeply.
recalling a vivid memory, a rainbow emerged post-rain, a spectral arc stretching from horizon to horizon. its vibrant spectrum, red to violet, seemed to promise untold treasures at its terminus. however, like life's fleeting moments, it vanished, leaving behind a profound lesson about cherishing every instant.
winter transforms the landscape into a tranquil white canvas. snowflakes pirouette gracefully, settling softly upon the earth, transforming it into a soft, white duvet. the stillness is interrupted only by the crunch of snow beneath my boots, a seasonal melody. snowmen, though temporary, teach us about transience, instilling a sense of melancholic beauty.
nature imparts invaluable wisdom. it showcases not only aesthetic allure but also the circle of life, emphasizing the importance of coexisting harmoniously with our environment and safeguarding its sanctity. for without nature's embrace, our existence would be naught.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
建議多閱讀《瓦爾登湖》以理解人與自然的關(guān)系，學(xué)習(xí)《安徒生童話》中富有想象力的描繪手法，同時，可以研讀《英語初級語法》以鞏固基礎(chǔ)語法知識。
相關(guān)詩句
1. 伯鸞長嘯出東都，來卜龍邱二畝居。千歲仍昆作英語，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中萬卷未得力，堂下一言誰識渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨無燕玉可相噓。
